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The old sub vs. slave debate

Awesomely, people trust me enough to ask questions and expect non-joking answers (which is good because I am supposed to have a clue.) Well, sometimes they get joking answers because I am afraid that I am a complete smartass – but I do offer serious opinions, too.

Today, one of the ladies asked my opinion.
what would you say is a slave mentality, firstly? And then how does it differ from a sub mentality? Others can jump in of course – maybe about a Dom mentality versus Master

My answer was: surrender. A submissive makes the choice to follow any time a choice is required. a submissive can, at any time, for any reason, say “no” and her relationship is not over. A slave makes the choice once. she gives over once and has no “no” except her final one.

A submissive wakes every day and decides to be in the relationship and to love her Dom. As she goes through her day, she will make choices. Will she submit? Will she stand firm? She is allowed to disagree and to refuse to do her Dominant’s will.

As a slave, I wake up every day and decide to be in love and I decide to act like I’m in love – expressing it with every part of me. However, I have no choice about being a slave. I will not refuse instruction. I will not refuse a request. I will not refuse a suggestion. I have no choice about this unless I want to make it the hill to die on. My refusal will end the relationship because even if it is discussed and negotiated, I am still taking my Owner’s power of control over me and that can not be given back. The relationship will forever be damaged by my refusal. In my refusal, I become a submissive and am no longer a slave. As a slave, I have given my surrender already and it was my joy to do so.

What are your thoughts about the difference between a submissive and a slave?

thebdsmgarden

This is just a little slice of The Garden at www.TheBDSMGarden.com, a resource community for those already practicing, or wishing to learn the art and lifestyle of Domination and submission in their various forms and practices. In The Garden, guests learn and share the ideas and realities of pain mixed with pleasure and a moment or lifetime of consensual service. Beyond The Garden gate exists a growing collection of essays, definitions, and interactive amenities to assist the curious and the expert in self-discovery, learning, and fun. The following is an extract from the book Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns explaining Dominance, submission, and the common bonds we share. “In exchange for obedience by the submissive, the dominant agrees to care for and work toward the pleasure of both partners. Thus empowered by the sub, the dominant takes control of their scenes and agrees to abide by the limits she sets. . Some people extend D/S roles outside the bedroom, often referring to themselves as "slave" [or "submissive/ subservient"] and "master." Generally, these people consider themselves D/S "lifestylers".” Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, Miller and Devon, Mystic Rose Books,1995, p. 9