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Safewords in CNC – Journal Prompt

On the Journaling Channel of chat, a prompt was offered by Sleepmonger:

From what I’ve seen online there seems to be two separate thoughts on safewords in CNC situations. One is that there should always be an immediate out as a form of communication that things aren’t feeling right. The other is that having that out takes away from the experience the submissive is going for with consenting to a non consent situation. I was curious how people felt around here.

Answer here, in chat, or even on your own journal.

thebdsmgarden

This is just a little slice of The Garden at www.TheBDSMGarden.com, a resource community for those already practicing, or wishing to learn the art and lifestyle of Domination and submission in their various forms and practices. In The Garden, guests learn and share the ideas and realities of pain mixed with pleasure and a moment or lifetime of consensual service. Beyond The Garden gate exists a growing collection of essays, definitions, and interactive amenities to assist the curious and the expert in self-discovery, learning, and fun. The following is an extract from the book Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns explaining Dominance, submission, and the common bonds we share. “In exchange for obedience by the submissive, the dominant agrees to care for and work toward the pleasure of both partners. Thus empowered by the sub, the dominant takes control of their scenes and agrees to abide by the limits she sets. . Some people extend D/S roles outside the bedroom, often referring to themselves as "slave" [or "submissive/ subservient"] and "master." Generally, these people consider themselves D/S "lifestylers".” Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, Miller and Devon, Mystic Rose Books,1995, p. 9

2 thoughts on “Safewords in CNC – Journal Prompt”

  1. thebdsmgarden

    Sleepmonger Replied:
    And yeah not only is it more than mildly controversial, I sprung it on everyone out of nowhere thanks to a google rabbit hole not helping to answer the questions it brought up :stuck_out_tongue:

    I also feel like it’s important to have that avenue for communication and the ability to stop quickly in the event things go wrong and the dom isn’t able to pick up on that.

    It does seem to go against the experience some submissives are going for with those situations and I do respect that need if they’ve found a safe avenue to fulfill it.

  2. thebdsmgarden

    kissa replied:
    Okay, well, that’s a question. Safewords in a CNC relationship, For ME, are for one thing – an accidental oopsie ouch.

    my Owner knows my limits and they were agreed upon before my full submission was given. i have to trust that they will be abided by. Plus, one of the things that i made sure of was that our limits matched and that he wasn’t going to even want things that i don’t want.

    It is my duty to tell my Owner that i am being harmed by something that he is doing or a situation that i am in. i am His property so it’s my job to tell Him if His property is being hurt in a way that He doesn’t intend. The way to do that is with a safeword during play.

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