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How Do You Relate To A Sadist? – Journal Prompt

On the Journaling Channel of chat, a prompt was offered by Sleepmonger:

I’d like to pose a more specific question than I have in the past. I’m curious how those of you who are submissive to someone who identifies as a sadist reconciles the fact that this person who deeply cares about you also enjoys hurting you. I’m not talking about punishment scenarios or things focused on a submissive’s need for catharsis but how a submissive, masochist or not, feels while submitting themselves to a sadists needs.

Answer here, in chat, or even on your own journal.

thebdsmgarden

This is just a little slice of The Garden at www.TheBDSMGarden.com, a resource community for those already practicing, or wishing to learn the art and lifestyle of Domination and submission in their various forms and practices. In The Garden, guests learn and share the ideas and realities of pain mixed with pleasure and a moment or lifetime of consensual service. Beyond The Garden gate exists a growing collection of essays, definitions, and interactive amenities to assist the curious and the expert in self-discovery, learning, and fun. The following is an extract from the book Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns explaining Dominance, submission, and the common bonds we share. “In exchange for obedience by the submissive, the dominant agrees to care for and work toward the pleasure of both partners. Thus empowered by the sub, the dominant takes control of their scenes and agrees to abide by the limits she sets. . Some people extend D/S roles outside the bedroom, often referring to themselves as "slave" [or "submissive/ subservient"] and "master." Generally, these people consider themselves D/S "lifestylers".” Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, Miller and Devon, Mystic Rose Books,1995, p. 9

2 thoughts on “How Do You Relate To A Sadist? – Journal Prompt”

  1. thebdsmgarden

    Sleepmonger Replied:
    It’s something a lot of people struggle to wrap their mind around in this
    (still writing my response lol)
    For me at least it’s not about enjoying hurting someone else it’s about them enduring it and being a part of that weird connection
    –
    “It is never done out of malice, but comes from mutal desire and need for it.” (Ms.M)

    This is extremely important to point out. I wasn’t as clear as I should be in my description but what I was talking about has zero negative emotions or reasoning tied to it. There is no anger, no malice, no weird connections to misogeny or indication that the submissive “deserves” to be treated like that.

    “My question: what drives the Sadist?”

    For all intents and purposes it is a loving act for me and to get anything out of it there needs to be a genuine emotional connection in place ahead of time. (well I mean the occasional torment between friends is fun obviously but it’s just fun that same emotional hit isn’t there)

    Anyways, what drives me are the feelings and emotions associated with that space and the reasoning behind it. When I make it clear that I need my submissive to submit to that torment for me and they agree to it I instantly get an overwhelming endorphin rush. Overwhelming. To be honest I get more in the moment of acceptance then I do sexually during the scenes themselves. Mid scene and after the feelings towards her are more of adoration and a need to protect and connect with rather than any actual desire to hurt or distinct sexuality. The sexuality comes later that evening or the next day when this person I care about is back to themselves but that lingering heavy adoration still has me obsessed with them.

    “what thoughts do they have?”

    My thoughts in the moment are pretty much always about the process and how to effectively manage the situation safely and keep things interesting. I don’t really lose myself in the moment during those kinds of interactions all the thoughts and analysis about why and what I get out of it come way later

    1. thebdsmgarden

      Sleepmonger added:
      Ok I’m back, lol. I think it is a different chip in a way not just between vanilla and sadist but between each of us as well. The feelings I get through having someone in that position are things that could have been fulfilled in other ways to be honest. Just not on demand or quite as viscerally as when they agree to their torment and are enduring it. That said it’s probably not “important” enough to me to be a firm need for a satisfying relationship. :man_shrugging: I only really enjoy my role if it’s with someone I’d have already been willing to have a vanilla relationship with if that makes any sense.
      I mean not everything has to be big and emotional either. Sometimes it’s just messing with someone for mutual fun :partying_face:

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