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Trust – Journal Prompt

On the Journaling Channel of chat, a prompt was offered by Sleepmonger:

I’d like to talk about trust.

In my opinion trust is the foundation to each and every type of BDSM interaction. Whether it be negotiated playtime between top/bottom, or a long term D or M/s relationship, without trust everything we build up together is destined to collapse.

For a submissive trust is how you get to that vital place of feeling safe in what we do, protected by those they do it with, and that they will be cared for when it’s over. Each person has a different threshold for the level of trust needed to feel safe. Some trust easily, subconsciously willing to take on that risk for the early reward. Others take time and that trust needs to be earned slowly and reinforced.

Trust is also important for us dominants. For starters, experiencing the level of trust we see from a submissive in a vulnerable state is one of the sexiest things imaginable. But, we also need those submissives to earn our trust as well. We need to see that they are going to be open and honest about what they are feeling and what their needs are. And, we need to know that their commitment and dedication to this thing is going to match our own.

No matter where a person’s boundaries lie trust is instinctual and cannot truly be given freely. It must in some way or another be earned through honesty, respect, and consistency.

How trusting are you as a person in a new relationship?
Is that a good thing?
We are taught to vet new relationships extensively but is that trust there once the vetting is finished?
How important to you is taking time to build trust before moving ahead with rules and punishment or playtime?
How do you go about establishing trust with a partner?
What advice would you give to others about establishing trust with you?

Answer here, in chat, or even on your own journal.

thebdsmgarden

This is just a little slice of The Garden at www.TheBDSMGarden.com, a resource community for those already practicing, or wishing to learn the art and lifestyle of Domination and submission in their various forms and practices. In The Garden, guests learn and share the ideas and realities of pain mixed with pleasure and a moment or lifetime of consensual service. Beyond The Garden gate exists a growing collection of essays, definitions, and interactive amenities to assist the curious and the expert in self-discovery, learning, and fun. The following is an extract from the book Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns explaining Dominance, submission, and the common bonds we share. “In exchange for obedience by the submissive, the dominant agrees to care for and work toward the pleasure of both partners. Thus empowered by the sub, the dominant takes control of their scenes and agrees to abide by the limits she sets. . Some people extend D/S roles outside the bedroom, often referring to themselves as "slave" [or "submissive/ subservient"] and "master." Generally, these people consider themselves D/S "lifestylers".” Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, Miller and Devon, Mystic Rose Books,1995, p. 9