Roses & the Thorns
Welcome the blog space for The Garden. A resource community for those already practicing, or wishing to learn the art and lifestyle of Domination and submission in their various forms and practices. Beyond The Garden gate exists a growing collection of essays, definitions, and interactive amenities. To assist the curious and the expert in self-discovery, learning, and fun.http://www.themasque.not
The following is an extract from the book Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns explaining Dominance, submission, and the common bonds we share.
“In exchange for obedience by the submissive, the dominant agrees to care for and work toward the pleasure of both partners. Thus empowered by the sub, the dominant takes control of their scenes and agrees to abide by the limits she sets.
Some people extend D/S roles outside the bedroom, often referring to themselves as “slave” [or “submissive/ subservient”] and “master.” Generally, these people consider themselves D/S “lifestylers”.”1
In The Garden, guests learn and share the ideas and realities of pain mixed with pleasure and a moment or lifetime of consensual service.
The elements of power exchange first engage the concept of a human’s personal power. We are born with this power, developing it as we mature, and use it to function in daily life. We use it to make decisions about our personal lives, business, and interactions with others; it is the element of control that we, have over our lives and everything surrounding us. In BDSM and in a D/s relationship, some or all of one individual’s (the submissive or slave’s) personal power is voluntarily given. Through negotiation, to another person (the Dominant), in exchange for the fulfillment of certain requirements. In a scene, the bottom yields control or power to the Top through and for the same means. “The depth of power yielded by the submissive is equal to the level of responsibility assumed by the dominant.” 2
Many myths surrounding BDSM and Domination and submission. One long-lived myth that one party is being abused by someone in some kind of authority. The Garden and the majority of lifestyle participants do not espouse or condone abuse in any way and insist that every journey, activity and relationship be safe, sane, and consensual in every way. We reject bullies and abusers. Other myths include the idea that every interaction involves “whips and chains” and involve “masters and slaves”. This is far from the truth, yet very close to it. While a certain amount of bondage and erotic pain, may be involved in the sensual aspect of a Dominant/submissive relationship. It is not always included in the choices made by a couple; they alone decide on what happens in their personal dynamic. Not all bottoms are submissive, not all submissive’s are slaves, just as not every top is Dominant, and not every Dominant is a Master. The couple decides on the depth of the power exchange. As in relationships that do not include BDSM, the couple alone decides on the rules of the relationship and every couple is different. “There is no right or wrong way to do BDSM.”3
Join us in reading and sharing our thoughts through our archived writing, chatroom, forums, and support pages. Ask questions, and with us, learn about how and why we do what we do. Please remember that while learning and starting online can be wonderful. One on one, offline experience is the best, most fulfilling teacher.
1 Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, Miller and Devon, Mystic Rose Books,1995, p. 9
2 Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, Miller and Devon, Mystic Rose Books,1995, p. 235
3 The Loving Dominant, John Warren, ed.2, Greenery Press, 2000. p. 15